Today’s rumours have done time

The Mill has never been one to point the finger. This is mainly because The Mill doesn’t actually have a finger, just a set of creaking and heavily-stained opposable pistons, which, for modesty’s sake, it usually keeps concealed beneath its floor-length nylon sports gown. The Mill sees itself as a more reflective, cerebral figure. Faced with any kind of tricky-situation situation, The Mill is far more likely to take a deep breath, kick back with the soothing sax sounds of Kenny G, strum a few Eagles tunes on its shiny white plastic-veneer acoustic guitar and settle down for a long evening in its moodily-lit kitchen conservatory accompanied by the motivational CD back catalogue of Dr Raj Persaud.

In this respect The Mill has a great deal in common with TV’s Glenn Hoddle who, according to this morning’s Mirror, is being sensationally lined up by West Ham to replace tearful touchline ewok Gianfranco Zola: “Hammers owners David Sullivan and David Gold have put the former England boss at the top of their wish list for the SoS call if they decide to dump Zola.”

Hoddle is available. He’s already being described as an “‘impact’ appointment”.

Also in The Mirror Tony Pulis is waving a bottle of Jacobs Creek and some petrol station daffs about and offering Jamie O’Hara “a fresh start”. O’Hara could be available for £4m after falling out with Harry Redknapp.

Hamburg midfielder Piotr Trochowski believes he is “not really valued” by coach Bruno Labbadia, who used to play the piano in Fame. Rangers goal-hanger Kris Boyd says he would be a success in the Premier League. Birmingham, Blackburn, Wigan and Hull might be interested. “I’ve confidence in my own ability and believe I’d score goals at the highest level,” he said, implying, very subtly, that doing Kilmarnock four times a season might not actually be “the highest level”.

In the Sun, Loic Remy of Nice is going down the Marouane Chamakh path and “urging” Arsenal to spend £11m on him. “Arsenal are the club I want to join. I won’t deny they are my priority,” he said yesterday, not denying something that only he, Loic Remy of Nice, is actually bringing up in the first place. “I spoke with Thierry about them and asked him lots of questions about life there. I was not disappointed with what he told me,” Remy added, simultaneously putting his hand in a fire because Thierry Henry also told him to do that.

In the manner of Cheryl Cole seeking solace in the arms of that Black Eyed Peas bloke, Alex McLeish is “ready to turn to Kasper Schmeichel” if he fails to sign Joe Hart for another season. Man City are in talks with Grenoble’s Sofiane Feghouli. Valencia are also sniffing about. Palermo want to sign Blackburn wing disappointment Morten Gamst Pedersen, with journeymanaroo Marc Bresciano heading in the other direction. And Neil Warnock has been handed a £10m war chest. The Mill can only hope he doesn’t drop it on his toe or overbalance and accidentally hurl it through his front room window while he’s trying to get his keys out of his pocket.

In the Daily Mail, Franck Ribéry has “delivered a crushing snub to Chelsea“, perhaps with the help of a motorcycle courier who simply grunts at you from beneath his helmet and calls you “boss” in a way that suggests you’re not actually his boss at all. Ribéry says he wants to go to Spain if he ever leaves Germany.

“My wife is from the south, she needs sun. Here it rains and even snows. But it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel good in Munich,” he lied from inside his heavy tog balaclava helmet.

Inter Milan still want Cesc Fábregas and have come up with the idea of offering galloping oddball Mario Balotelli in part exchange. Fábregas’s people have already said no. Inter might just go for Steven Gerrard instead.

José Mourinho wants £10m a year after tax, a set of business cards, an orthopaedic chair and a really big Parmesan cheese in return for managing Real Madrid. Roberto Mancini is “interested in” Palermo striker Edinson Cavani, who might cost as much as £25m. City are also after prancing tight-shirted Roma centre-half Philippe Mexes, but will miss out on Mathieu Flamini, who was really good at left-back for about six months four years ago. Flamini wants to stay at AC Milan. “I’m counting on imposing myself, at this moment I’m in full possession of my abilities,” he said, flexing his neck muscles and adopting a frightening strongman pose.

On Goal.com Paulo Ferreira wants to carry on occasionally appearing in the Carling Cup or minor Premier League home matches until he’s allowed to stop and spend the rest of his life having lunch in semi-rural hotel golf retreats. “I have a deal with Chelsea that runs until 2013 and my idea is to see that out and to then leave football,” he told Maisfutebol, making it sound like he’s doing something really decent and honourable.

Pier Silvio Berlusconi says Milan won’t sign Mario Balotelli. His dad, Silvio Berlusconi previously told a noisy and largely insensible Italian TV station staffed by blousy and glamorous suntanned women: “Balotelli has the face of a Milanista”. And Gigi Buffon’s agent says he’s not for sale. “For once and for all, Buffon is staying at Juventus,” Silvano Martina told Tuttomercatoweb.com, calling Buffon “Buffon” for no other reason than it’s a fun word to say. Buffon has also been linked with Manchester City, Manchester United and Bayern Munich. But Buffon is happy in Turin. Buffon isn’t going anywhere. Buffon is fine. Buffon.

West Ham UnitedPremier LeagueTottenham HotspurStoke CityArsenalBarney Ronayguardian.co.uk

The conventional wisdom about Arsenal’s title push is that they have the easy run-in. Compared to Chelsea and Manchester United it is apparently a piece of cake. A home game against the team above the relegation zone by virtue of goal difference was supposed to be one of the tastiest of the lot, but Arsène Wenger’s team came oh-so-close to suffering a terrible dose of indigestion.

The game hinged on a critical incident a minute before half-time, when Thomas Vermaelen was shown a red card for tangling with Guillermo Franco. Not so easy all of a sudden. But the way Arsenal regrouped, resettled, and finished off West Ham showed they have the heart to take this adventure as far as they possibly can. Their title rivals may have games in hand, but Arsenal wake up this morning looking down on everyone.

The quest now moves to Birmingham. For different reasons recent games have all felt central to the plot of this unfolding drama, but St Andrew’s is a challenge that feels particularly pivotal in terms of Premier League aspirations. Against the kind of direct opponents they have been known to find unsettling, they will travel without their first-choice centre-halves. As a prelude to Barcelona, its importance cannot be overlooked.

As much as it was natural for Arsenal to be thankful for the return of their captain and top scorer Cesc Fábregas, the reinstatement of Alex Song after a two-match suspension was equally reassuring. The Cameroonian anchor has been crucial, and has matured into an important safety net in front of a back line with a tendency towards fragility.

Alongside him Denílson was chosen ahead of Abou Diaby. This was surprising. A more creative player is the norm alongside Fábregas and Song in midfield, but Denílson was favoured ahead of Diaby and Tomas Rosicky. Was this an experiment with Barcelona in mind?

Arsène Wenger was firm that West Ham was the absolute priority, and the Denílson selection turned out to be an inspired one. The Brazilian provided his team with the gift of an early goal. He was alert to the opportunity to pickpocket Valon Behrami and skillfully smuggled the ball to Nicklas Bendtner. When it was returned to him, Denílson drilled a first-time shot into the bottom corner.

Denílson has elicited his fair share of moans from the crowd this season, especially during a period when he found the going tough in midwinter. But here he sparked. Maybe he had borrowed some of Bendtner’s enormous supply of confidence (there is plenty to spare). This was his fourth league goal from 16 starts this season, and not for the first time it was an important goal, too.

He might have had another soon after. At the end of a tippy-tappy move, Denílson chested the ball down and volleyed goalwards. His flourishes were all the more valuable as Arsenal were not at their fluent best in the first half. Fábregas took an early kick on the foot and looked very unhappy with the perpetrator, Behrami, with whom he later had words. The Catalan was not running freely at all and strained to exert any great influence. Samir Nasri and Andrey Arshavin were a little flat, too.

West Ham had enough glimmers to suggest Arsenal would be foolish to take this at too much of a presumptuous stroll. Junior Stanislas broke down the right flank and whipped in an inviting cross which Mido couldn’t reach, then Gaël Clichy and Sol Campbell made excellent interceptions as West Ham built towards goal.

In the last minute of the half, the pendulum swung viciously. Franco surged onto a high pass and Vermaelen missed the header, then in his desperation to retrieve the situation was clumsy as he tussled with the Mexican. Although contact was minimal, Franco tumbled inside the penalty area. The referee Martin Atkinson was so far behind the play he was closer to the centre circle than the penalty box, but trusted the instincts of his linesman. Not only did he point to the spot, he sent off Vermaelen. Wenger was infuriated, and waited at half-time to remonstrate with the officials.

In the meantime, Diamanti struck his kick well, but Manuel Almunia plunged to produce an inspired save. His record with penalties is one of his best features, and Arsenal were immensely grateful.

Interestingly, Wenger chose not to make a substitution and Song dropped back to fill in at centre-half. He had his work cut out as West Ham set about the second half with attack in their hearts. It was not long before Arsenal did make a change, with Diaby replacing Bendtner and Arshavin leading the line.

Arsenal hauled themselves back again to force the game up towards the edge of Rob Green’s box. Emmanuel Eboué became increasingly influential, and his ability to win free-kicks kept up the pressure. Campbell ambled up for a corner but headed too close to the keeper.

Gianfranco Zola, so desperate for points, sent on the attacking power of Carlton Cole and experience of Benni McCarthy. With 12 minutes to go a sizzling left-footer from Cole shuddered against the base of Almunia’s far post.

Back came Arsenal, and Matthew Upson handled in the box inexplicably as Fábregas bore into the danger zone. Another penalty. In the swirling rain, the captain steeped up to rifle in, Green diving the wrong way. “We are top of the league,” sang the crowd giddily. It ain’t easy, but it sure is scintillating.

ArsenalWest Ham UnitedPremier LeagueAmy Lawrenceguardian.co.uk