As a West Ham fan who knows that one of the main reasons the team managed to stay in the premier league last season was due to the skills of goalkeeper Robert Green, I was shocked by his fumble against the USA in South Africa.

It was out of character, and it was also devastating for him, for the team and for the Inger-land fans. The press was, as we might expect, unforgiving.

Green’s mistake led to two Sunday red-tops presenting us with the same bad pun (based, lest you don’t get it, on the Maradona incident in the 1986 World Cup).

But the criticism wasn’t confined to the pops. The Sunday Times, drawing on the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster for inspiration, said Green’s spill was one the Americans would certainly not complain about.

The usually nice ex-goalkeeper-turned-pundit Bob Wilson was harshly critical of Green’s “basic schoolboy error” in the Sunday Telegraph, though the always nice Michael Owen showed a measure of sympathy in the same paper.

But if Green thought it would be a one-day wonder, then today’s papers give more than a hint of what he can expect for the rest of his footballing life (and maybe beyond that).

Rightly, the Daily Telegraph points out that Green – one of Britain’s least-known players – is now the most talked-about footballer, and not just in England.

Almost every front page refers in some way to Green’s howler. Most carry pictures of him playing golf, enabling headline writers the opportunity to put the boot in with a range of puns.

So we have Putter Fingers (The Sun); “So how many shots did you drop today, Robert?” (Daily Telegraph); “After THAT goal clanger, bet he missed the putt” (Daily Mail); and “Green tries his hand at a whole new ball game” (The Independent). Marina Hyde plays psychiatrist in The Guardian to ask So, Mr Green, why don’t you lie back and tell me all about that tricky ball?

The Daily Express page one blurb is somewhat charitable with a simple “England’s gaffe goalie puts his troubles behind him”, but inside comes the knife: Green finds a ball game he can get to grips with.

The Daily Mirror finds a different way to embarrass Green by claiming that he had let a “stunning model… slip through his fingers”, a reference to his having split with a girlfriend just before the World Cup. Headline? Here’s one he dropped earlier.

The Daily Star shows an unusual restraint by refusing to take a pop at Green, indulging instead in hyperbolic optimism with the splash heading “Lions are still gonna win it.” Oh yeah?

The Times also holds back from heaping front page ordure on the luckless Green. It chooses to offer some sympathy in a leading article that also draws on the oil spill, describing Green as “the man who handled the ball as if it had just been dunked in the Gulf of Mexico and had emerged as slippery as wet soap.”

Then it switches analogies to compare goalkeepers with rock band drummers, the people who take on tasks that ensure low profiles and little public acclaim.

Other leader writers are also sympathetic. The Indy argues: “This urge to scapegoat individuals for national sporting disappointments is as unappealing as it is nonsensical.”

The Telegraph, in Standing by our goalie, believes that “butterfingers” Green “has shown dignity in humiliation.”

The Express asks: “Who’d be a goalkeeper? One mistake and you’re a figure of loathing.” It concludes: “Spare a thought for England keeper Rob Green who must be feeling pretty desolate. From hero to zero in a split second just isn’t fair.”

The Mirror speaks up for Green too. Green “showed great dignity and commendable honesty”, it notes.

And The Sun, echoing the Star, says: “We can STILL win the World Cup. But not if we allow one goalkeeping bungle to destroy our faith in our team.”

It adds: “If you feel inclined to give someone a hard time today, what about ITV? The clowns running their HD channel destroyed the match for 1.5m viewers by switching to an advert just as Gerrard was scoring. By any definition, high or otherwise, that IS a disaster.”

So, will I still want to see Green between the sticks at West Ham next season? You bet. Mind you, I’d rather the owners weren’t there. But that’s another story.

EnglandWorld Cup 2010West Ham UnitedNational newspapersDaily TelegraphDaily MailDaily MirrorDaily ExpressThe SunThe GuardianThe IndependentThe TimesDaily StarITVRoy Greensladeguardian.co.uk

The appointment of Avram Grant offers the Israeli the chance he craves: to build a successful team over a number of years

Avram Grant’s appointment as West Ham manager by David Gold and David Sullivan appears a bespoke fit for club and manager, though he may have to convince the hard-to-please constituency found among all football fans, a challenge the Israeli coasted through in his previous two appointments in England.

By taking Chelsea to within a John Terry penalty miss of claiming the 2008 Champions League, then following this up with the small miracle of leading Portsmouth to this season’s FA Cup final while the club imploded around him, Grant shrugged off the arriviste label unfairly stuck on him when succeeding José Mourinho at Stamford Bridge in September 2007.

Grant had only got that gig, the prevailing logic went, because he was big friends with Roman Abramovich, Chelsea’s billionaire owner. The English section of Grant’s CV now features trips to the FA Cup and Champions League finals, further runners-up spots in the 2008 Carling Cup and 2007-08 Premier League (both with Chelsea), plus evidence of sizeable reserves of tenacity and dignity displayed while steering Portsmouth through their annus horribilis.

Gold and Sullivan will have noted how four owners, a transfer embargo, the nine-point penalty for entering administration, subsequent relegation to the Championship and his players’ knowledge that most would not be performing at Fratton Park next season did not stop Grant from coming within another missed spot-kick (by Kevin-Prince Boateng) of giving Chelsea a major scare at Wembley in the Cup final.

Once the full extent of how he had been misled by the Portsmouth hierarchy became clear Grant’s mantra was that he could not care less if there had been £100 or £10m to spend. All that mattered was to be told the budget by his bosses, then know that this sum would not change each time he arrived for training.

Grant stated when deliberating over his Portsmouth future that his preference was for long-term residency at a club, so that he could have the opportunity to do what the 55-year-old craves: to build a successful team over a number of years.

All of this will be sweet-sounding to Sullivan and Gold. On taking over West Ham in January they declared that mammoth cuts were required to clear the mess left by the regime of Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, the Icelandic owner whose gift to the club was a £100m hole in the finances.

Will Grant’s appointment have the Boleyn Ground unconditionally swooning? It seems doubtful. A quick sample of West Ham supporters and neutrals suggests the naysayers feel a younger, more dynamic figure than Grant should be the man to push the club on. Or that the jury remains out regarding the true measure of his managerial smarts, despite his achievements at Portsmouth and Chelsea.

What all Hammers enthusiasts are certainly getting, though, is a man who is unfazed by Gold and Sullivan’s insistence so far in managing the team from the directors’ box, as Gianfranco Zola, Grant’s predecessor, endured. Who knows: the man known as “The Magician” in Israel could be the manager to silence the two Davids, while bringing stability and glory to a club whose last taste came 30 years ago, courtesy of Trevor Brooking’s header against Arsenal in the 1980 FA Cup final.

West Ham UnitedAvram GrantJamie Jacksonguardian.co.uk